(Sunday Times, April 1916) Elephant Island. Here await the last of Shackleton’s crew a few months into their very lost weekend in the wilds of Antarctica. Soon their captain will come back to the rescue, but until then, the boys spend their long day or night thinking up new and exciting ways to show courage to their imperial benefactors. For nearly two years each secretly hoped to return to mother England as the most courageous man who ever survived certain death—some were still going through the motions of shaving every 24 hours with a sharp beach stone and penguin viscera cream.
Update. Today Shackleton returned and told the boys of war with Germany. Their erupting cheers and dances of gladness were a sight to behold. Frightened every gnarled sea lion back into the frigid sea. King George will be very proud of his new, most patriotic recruits!
Last update. Several of the most courageous human beings in history, all who would make even a hopelessly lost Iroquois nod his approval, died under dirty and humiliating conditions in the trenches of the Western Front. It only matters how they died because their famed living was privately too much for their inbred emperor to bear. The King, who drank slave tea, and probably, yes most definitely, wore women’s underwear, was a closet fan of tremendous hope and bravery…
The end, as always.