Get This Algal Sludge Off Our Seas So We Can Import More Infantile Crap From China


2015. Acrylic on canvas, 14 x 11″

Exclamation point.

Why not? It’s sticking our ships in sheet slime and slowing them down. I am so sick of progress impeded. Eradicate all producers of the ocean and save a penny on every dollar ordered from Sichuan Province. Yes, a few Chinese limbs will be lost to speed up production, but that is the price to pay for the latest American high school drop out to cash-in on bountiful ignorance at the Dollar General. The latter have multiplied like faux-happy Mormons all over rural New York State, serving up their first-of-the-month woe to the second-tier hapless victims of time poverty.

The control will always allow us sufficient nutriment to survive. The control knows it could not control without expired Little Debbies® or upstart potato chip companies made in New Jersey. Dollar foods fuel a bored, sloth-like purchasing urge for dollar picture frames, dog collars, scented candles, Santa hats, short-life batteries, greeting cards, children’s books about Jonah, and pleather folders with auspicious insurance company logos.

And while basking in the dull light emanating from these exotic goodies, one can hear the latest made-in-a-high-rise country music hit—“I love America’s military hate of everything not Caucasian checkered tablecloth grandmother at the county fair”.

The algae are practically acting like terrorists. As soon as that first green nasty pops its life-giving breath out from the arctic ice, I want a CENTCOM order to blow the North Pole to pluto. Hell, let’s act now. These ships must get through unimpeded. The Christmas season is nearly upon us. The Port of Shanghai is loaded and groaning with colorful, plastic manufactured things of jolly.

Killjoy algae! You’re poised to destroy everything that makes my culture practically disgusting.

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